Worthless
by Minami Italia
Summary: ...is what I am. My name is Lovino Vargas. I am depressed. I hate everyone. I hate everything. No one would care if I died. Rated T for character death and language. A story of depression and suicide; and how an innocent bystander Antonio Fernandez Carriedo was affected by this young boy's death, even if he never talked to him much. Spamano. May have a happy ending.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Lovino Vargas.

I am _depressed._

I _hate_ _everyone._

I _hate everything._

Everyone around me is laughing, having fun. Why, why is it only I who is left out?

They annoy me.

They ignore me.

I'm quiet, but when asked to talk, I am quite rude. I snap at everyone, and they call me a jerk and instantly hate me.

"_Fuck off._" I would sneer at them.

...Is what I always say, but why is there a longing in my heart...?

This longing for a friend, someone that would love me for who I am.

That someone.

They said we have soul mates, right?

I doubt it.

Mine was probably ran over by a fucking car. No one would love someone _disgusting_ like me.

It _hurts_.

I _like_ it.

Blood, cuts, red...

Blood. Cuts. Red.

_Bloodcutsred._

**_Bloodcutsredbloodcutsredbloodcutsredbloodcutsredbloodcutsredbloodcutsred-!_**

It's so beautiful as the metallic, red liquid drips to the floor, staining it red.

...

_...Someone, save me from this pain...someone...anything...help me..._

_...Please. I can't take it anymore._

I literally...I...I've always been alone. My entire life.

I'm like an only child. I've done everything myself. When I was little, I was replaced by my younger brother, Feliciano because my grandfather favored him more.

I played with the dolls and pretended they were there with me. I did everything...All by myself. So...I was used to it.

Bring alone. Being _depressed._

Crying almost everyday after school, when my brother was out with his friends, smiling and having fun, and grandpa was out at work. By the time they come home, I'd be smiling and saying I was fine. But I...I'm really not.

Everyday. I go home from school, on the weekends, it doesn't matter what day.

I was always alone.

I've been home alone since I was young. My grandpa would go out to treat Feliciano to sweet treats and told me to stay and watch the house. I'd have no one to talk to. All alone in the quiet, eerie house. I'd cry...then go on the computer and found social media networks.

That's when I began making accounts. Like YouTube, Facebook...etc. I've aways told everyone I was fine even online when I was really not.

I aways told people they can go do what they need to do when they say that they're going to sit with someone else at lunch. I told them I liked being alone. And that they were all bastards that should just leave me alone.

_...But I'm not okay. I'm not fucking okay at all! Dammit...I'm afraid of being alone..._

Thank you...haha. I'm crying because of you. Because of everyone and everything.

Are you happy now?

That I cry myself to sleep every night?

Everyday?

That I cut myself until I feel dizzy from the blood loss?

That you don't even know that I'm suffering by hiding it with my scowl?

..._Ouch_.

Another _cut._

Another _slit._

More _blood._

_No one_ would care if I died.

They all have _Feliciano,_ after all.

There is not a single light inside of my darkened mind.

It _hurts_.

_Suicidal thoughts, unhealthy thoughts..._

Why can't I be like my _brother, _like everyone says?

I hate everyone and everything, but I wish deeply for someone to reach out to me.

I want someone to _love_ me.

...Please, save me...If there really is a God, save me from this misery...what did I do to deserve this kind of life?

...

There is no response.

_I'm...nothing._

_I'm unloved._

_There is no one for me._

**_I'm better off dead._**

...

There is a bloodied knife that cuts across my throat.

The world is becoming darker and darker as the seconds pass by.

_Blood._

_..._

...I'm...

_...**Worthless**..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Hola, my name is Antonio Fernández Carriedo!_

I am _cheerful!_

I am _outgoing!_

I am _happy!_

I'm always kind and nice towards everyone, and I have lots of friends!

They make me _smile!_

They make me _bright!_

...But, there is only one person who I _couldn't_ be friends with.

It was that quiet Italian man in my class. I guess you could say Italian boy, since he was still rather young. He was always scowling, I always tried talking to him, really, I did!

...But Lovi would tell me to, "Fuck off."

I always felt my heart sink at that answer. It was srange. I was friends with everyone around me, so why did only this boy ignore me?

...Maybe he was just really lonely and wanted a friend~.

_I'll try again tomorrow, when I see him! I'll make him smile! I'll be his very first friend!_

* * *

_That 'tomorrow' never came for me._

The next day, when I went to school...Lovi was not present.

Nobody else seemed to notice his absence, and just kept chattering.

I stood in front of his lonely desk, staring at it blankly.

_Hm...I guess I'll just have to try when he's here~! Maybe tomorrow~!_

I immediately brightened up with that thought, and walked back to everyone else and began to chat happily.

* * *

That night on the news, I saw it.

"Death of Lovino Vargas: Suicide"

"Cause of Death: Slit Throat by Knife"

My mouth hung open as an overwhelming shock rushed through my system.

Lovi...Lovino Vargas was...dead?

Suicide?

W-What?

At that moment, many thoughts came to my mind.

I could have saved him. I could have helped him.

I could have been there for him. I could have tried harder to be his friend.

I could have stopped the horrible rumors about him in school.

I could have done..._better_ than what I had been doing.

I shouldn't have _hesitated._..

I shouldn't have said '_tomorrow'_ every single day to myself.

I should have told him my feelings for him when I had the chance...

...I should have told him I _loved_ him.

I should have...

...told him...

...that...

...

...he wasn't...

...

...**_worthless_**...

And now...He is _gone._

It's too late.

* * *

That night, I made a wish upon a star.

_'Help me make Lovi happy. I wish he was alive again...and that he was super popular and outgoing, nice and happy, and friends with everyone! _

_...Kind of like his brother!' _


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, I awoke with low spirits.

My usual enthusiasm of the beginning of a brand new day was completely drained, leaving only an empty shell of depression and sadness.

Lovi was _dead,_ he was gone...

That news had hit me hard, and I still feel empty, even now.

As I stood up from my bed, I shuffled over to the bathroom and began getting ready for school.

Finished, I grabbed my backpack and headed out into the world outside, completely unaware of what was ahead of me.

* * *

Is it possible for wishes to be granted, so easily, too?

Yes. Yes they are.

I didn't think my wish would work. I didn't mean it to be this way!

Sure, I was happy, thrilled, even, that Lovi was back, but...

...It wasn't..._my_ Lovi.

When I entered the classroom, Lovi was there, sitting in his usual seat. However, there was something...different.

Everyone was crowded around him, laughing and joking happily as he smiled, yes, he genuinely smiled and laughed so_...casually._

And that wasn't all.

He was acting...like his brother?

I watched him as his emerald eyes beamed when he spotted a flower that somebody drew on the board, and he immediately pointed at it and yelled, "_Ah!_ Look, everybody! It's a pretty flower! Whoever drew that is amazing and talented~! Speaking of flowers, I think I'm going to go pick some from the school's garden soon, hehe!"

The crowd only laughed at his carefree attitude, and he laughed right along with them.

Somewhere along those lines, I felt my heart shatter.

What was wrong with me?

Shouldn't I be...happy that Lovino was alive and well and that my wish had been granted?

It was._..wrong._ This wasn't how he was supposed to act!

I had always wanted to be the _only_ one to see his smiles, and _only_ me. The fact that he always had a scowl on his face made his smiles more beautiful and special. Now that was completely thrown out of the window. Not only that, but now it was like having two Feliciano's in the school. It was starting to give me a huge headache, how he'd jump out of his seat every time a butterfly or bird flew past the window and pointed at it excitedly, or when he'd suddenly yell out that the clouds looked like pasta.

...That wasn't what I wanted. I realize that now, now that it was all gone. I had always found myself thinking, _'Why doesn't he ever smile a lot like his brother? Why can't he be more like his brother? Why is he always so quiet and mean to everyone?'_

Now all I can say to myself is, '_How can Ludwig put up with Feliciano? He's too...annoying! Stop bothering the class every single second, stop talking so loud! I can't concentrate on my work...'_

I hadn't realized that I had something so beautiful before I wished it away. I wished _my_ Lovi away.

I had taken him for granted, my wonderful, sweet Lovi that would flush a tomato red when I said he was cute. My cute little _tomate_. I missed him cursing and swearing under his breath about how everyone was so '_goddamned annoying'_ and how he would push me away when I attempted to hug him, or even speak to him.

Now, it was all gone. He, _my_ Lovi, was gone.

* * *

Lunch time rolled around and I attempted to speak to the Italian boy whom I had a crush on.

It was stupid of me, really. I had never realized I loved him so much until he was gone. I was truly an idiot.

"_H-Hola,_ Lovi~!" I say, trying to act like my usual, bubbly self as I approached his desk.

He looked up at me and smiled. "Tonio! You've been acting so weird today, I was worried! Is everything alright? You've been so quiet! Did I do something to upset you?" Lovino asked, concern flickering in his eyes as he studied my face closely.

_'Tonio'_? He had never called me anything but '_tomato bastard'_. I was happy, I really was, but...everyone else called me Tonio or Toni, too. It made me feel like I wasn't special to him. Like I was just another one of those people that crowded around him.

It really hit me hard.

_'Tomato bastard'_, it was a name that was for me and only me, but now I was just..._'Tonio'. _

"A-Ahaha! No, I'm fine, you didn't do anything, Lovi~! _Lo siento_, I guess I just didn't get enough sleep last night, I was out with Gil and Franny!" I lied casually, scratching the back of my head as I attempted a nervous laugh.

The Italian then flashed me another bright smile before nodding. "Ah, I see~! Well, make sure to get more rest, _si?_ It's not good for your health, and I wouldn't want one of my _amici_ getting sick, hehe!"

...So now I was just 'one' of his _amigos_. I used to be the only one...

Now that everyone was his amigo, I didn't even have enough time to open my mouth and respond before someone interrupted us and began chattering with Lovino.

It hurt. I should have been overjoyed that _mi tomate_ made new friends.

I never used to worry about somebody else taking my Lovi away from me, because no one else would ever approach him, and it made me feel special. But now...Lovi didn't need me anymore. I was just like everyone else to him.

_I'm only one of his many friends._

* * *

Tomate (Spanish) - Tomato

Hola (Spanish) - Hello, hi

Lo siento (Spanish) - Sorry, I'm sorry

Amici (Italian) - Friends

Si (Italian & Spanish) - Yes, okay

Amigos (Spanish) - Friends

Mi tomate (Spanish) - My tomato


	4. Chapter 4

This _can't_ go on any longer.

Sure, Lovi was well and alive.

...But, it wasn't actually Lovi. He looked like the tanned Italian, had the same eye color as him. He even had the same body and voice as him, as well as that strange curl that pokes out of the side of his head!

...But it _wasn't_ Lovi. It was like...someone else entirely. It was hard to tell the difference between the two brothers now, for they both had the same exact personality. Of course, Feli was quite happy with the outcome. I _hated_ it with a passion.

_"Ve~! Fratello, fratello!_ Come on, let's go see Luddy~!" Feliciano exclaimed excitedly, pulling on Lovino's sleeve.

"_Si, si,_ just give me a sec, okay? I'm coming!" His beautiful laughter resonates throughout the hall as he was pulled away into a classroom.

_Ludwig's_ classroom, that is. Apparently, he was no longer _'potato bastard'._

Why is everything so messed up?! It's my fault, it's all _my_ fault!

Lovino...he _hated_ Ludwig with a strong passion, for some reason. If he saw what he, himself, was doing right now...laughing and having fun with the person he hated to the very core...he would be disgusted and disappointed in himself, wouldn't he?

I have _never_ regretted something so much in my whole entire life before.

* * *

It's been weeks now, since I made that stupid wish on that damned star.

...

It's not everyday I curse and swear like this. Why am I acting so strange? I'm acting so..._pessimistic_. It's..._weird_. I found myself thinking how nice it would be if everybody else could go die in a hole and leave my Lovi alone, or if it would be better if I gave them a long, painful death. Why didn't anyone else talk to me? I used to be all of their friends, too! Now they were all focused on Lovino, there was not even a single soul who approached me when Lovino was there in the classroom. I hate everyone. I hate everybody for leaving me alone.

.._.No, no!_ This isn't right at all! What's going _on_ with me?

Why have I gotten grumpier as the days pass? Why have I been feeling so angry and depressed, instead of happy and cheerful, like I always have been?

"Yo, Toni!" Gilbert practically shouts as he entered the classroom during our lunch break, Franny following right behind him. "Francis and the awesome me are going to go out clubbing tonight, you're coming with us, right?"

I gritted my teeth and looked up at him, giving him a harsh glare. "Leave me alone, _dammit!_ Why do you keep dragging me out to clubs late at night until I'm so tired, I can barely feel my body anymore?! Just go alone, you _bastards!_" The words had automatically came out of my mouth, and I was silent as my mind registered what I had just said.

Suddenly, the whole classroom was silent at my outburst.

His shocked and disappointed expression woke me up from my daze, and I could see Franny shaking his head behind Gil from the corner of my eye.

My head was spinning as I tried to come up with an excuse for my behavior. ".._I-._..uh...It's not what it seems like, Gil! I didn't mean i-"

"I get it, Toni." He cut me off, a serious look on his face. "We understand, you've been acting strange and gloomy these days, and we just wanted to help you out. But it seems like you have other things to do, huh?" Gilbert chuckled lightly and turned away from me. "Come on, let's go, Francis. He just needs some time by himself for a few days...or weeks."

And the two of them exited the classroom.

I was shocked, to say the least. However, there were more emotions swirling inside my mind and body other than that.

There was _hurt. Anger. Betrayal. Unhappiness. Sadness. Loneliness. Disappointment. Hate,_ even.

Now even my two best _amigos_ have left me. Nobody ever noticed me anymore. Lovi was always the center of attention, everyone would crowd around him and he'd be all smiles and rainbows.

...Is this how Lovi felt, before he committed suicide? So hopeless, helpless...so..._alone?_

...

...Did he hate me like I _hate him,_ now?

I never thought the day would come. The day where I would actually want _mi tomate_ to disappear from the face of Earth, forever.

...Right after I wished him back, too.

It seemed that everyone in the room had seen what had happened, and when I looked over to where Lovino was, he was staring at with me wide, shocked eyes.

"_T-Tonio_...are you...alright?" He asked me hesitantly, slowly walking over to me.

That's I found myself thinking, '_How could I have loved this piece of filth? It's all his fault I'm like this! He can go fucking die again, for all I care! I wished him back, and this is what he gives me in return!? JUST GO DIE ALREADY!'_

My hands soon became fists as he continued walking over to me, apparently he didn't notice that I didn't want him near me.

"Tonio...?"

_BAM!_

My hands were shaking uncontrollably as I stared at my fist, then down to where Lovino was laying on the ground. Hell, I almost felt completely satisfied, seeing him injured and hurt in probably the first time of his life.

Almost immediately, people rushed over to save that piece of shit off of the ground, I then noticed he was unconscious with a bloody nose and a black eye.

...

I didn't even care anymore. Hah.

I _hate_ Lovino Vargas for doing this to me.

He made everyone hate me, so I will hate him.

Without looking back, I grabbed my backpack and stormed out of the door, running all the way home.

* * *

When it was nighttime, I saw stars in the sky. I decided that I wanted to reverse the last wish I made, and make a new one.

_'I wish the last wish I made was never granted, and I wish that I can go back in time, back to before Lovino Vargas committed suicide. I want to make him suffer more than he already has before he goes and kills himself.'_

I hoped with all of my might that the two wishes would come true, and I didn't feel a single bit of pity for that stupid Italian anymore.

I wanted him to _die_ in front of my very own eyes. I wanted to laugh at his pathetic life before he was gone forever.

* * *

My name is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.

I am _hateful._

I am seeking _revenge_.

I am craving to see _blood be spilt._

I'm always _cold_ and _rude_ to everyone, and I am a person that needs no one else. Friends were useless things.

They make me _puke._

They make me _grind my teeth._

There was only one person I wanted dead the most out of this whole school.

It was this piece of shit in my class. He was Italian and made me furious every time I saw his damned face.

Drop _dead, Lovino Vargas._

* * *

Fratello (Italian) - Brother

Si (Italian & Spanish) - Yes, okay

_Ahaha, thank you for reading, and thanks to the people who reviewed. I rarely post author's notes, because I feel they interrupt the flow of the story, but I just wanted to really get it out there that I appreciate the support. Also, to Nimphy-Ryuu-Chan, who corrected the translation in the last chapter. Thank you for that, I've changed it! :) Yes, Lovino isn't going to stay cheerful forever, as you can see. If you have any questions on why Antonio's personality suddenly changed, you will find out in the next chapter, but if you're really that curious, please feel free to PM me. _

_-Minami Italia_


	5. Chapter 5

My vision is foggy; I feel so tired and my body feels numb.

...Where _am_ I? _Why the hell couldn't I remember what I was doing before whatever the fuck happened?_

My head was throbbing viciously as I slowly sat up from my bed, rubbing my bleary eyes with much difficulty.

_Fuck._..what happened? Why the hell did I feel like utter, _complete_ shit?

Oh, wait.

I _always_ feel like utter, complete shit. Hahaha.

My vision finally cleared as I looked around, finding that I was still in my room and that it was morning.

...Why do I feel so tired, dammit?

Oh, right.

I must have cut too much last night...fuck. Now my wrists fucking hurt like hell...I must have fallen asleep before I could treat them.

Great. I had school in about thirty minutes. I didn't have enough time to treat my stupid cuts...but they'll get infected.

...Eh, who cares if they did get infected? No one would care, anyways.

Well..._m-maybe_ that stupid tomato bastard would, though. I wonder if he'll come bother me again today...

Wait a fucking minute! Am I _actually_ looking forward to that idiot's daily attempts of talking to me? I must be losing my_ damned_ mind!

I shook my head grumpily, shaking the thought from my head before getting up and washing my face in the bathroom. I had black bags under my eyes. Of course. I always looked like shit, and I knew it. I am so fucking done with life...

_Why am I always useless? Why am I always second best? Why am I unloved? Why am I unwanted? Why won't anyone be friends with me? Why won't anyone love me?_

They only use me to get closer to Feliciano.

_Feliciano._

He was the reason why I was suffering. But...I could never find myself to hate him. I really hate myself for that. Being unable to hate the person that caused you to spiral deep into depression, the person who unintentionally made you think of so many suicidal thoughts...

_Dammit,_ Feliciano!

I...I...can't hate you, you stupid...son of a...ugh...

I can't even say anything bad about him, either. Not even in my own mind.

I dried my face off with a towel as I began to brush my teeth, then spat, and rinsed. Right. Now, comb through my hair...and...

I'm done.

Using my limited time wisely, I threw on the closest school uniform that was near me and grabbed my bag, before walking down the stairs.

...Of course. Stupid Feli was always gone without me. Probably walked to school with that stupid potato bastard again, like he always does.

...Not even my own brother cares about me. He doesn't fucking know I cut, either.

Heh. I guess this world must really hate me, huh?

...Well. At least there was one thing I could look forward to today at that hellish place called school.

And that _'thing'_ was called..._Antonio Fernandez Carriedo._

_There_, I fucking admitted it, _okay?_!

...But it's not like I like him or anything, _che!_ A-And it's not like he makes my heart speed up whenever I see him, or makes my cheeks go red when he's around!

_Y-Yeah!_ That's fucking ridiculous!

_...Hmph!_

* * *

I had made it to school.

Finally, dammit.

I went to seat myself at my desk, then set my palm on my chin and stared out of the window.

...Yes, I sit right next to the window, it's fucking convenient when you start getting bored of class. Anytime now, it'll be lunch...and that tomato bastard will come and try to talk to me. I wonder how he'll try approaching me, this time?

_Ding, ding, ding._

That was the signal for lunch to begin. Alright, any second now...the bastard just got up out of his seat...

...And now he's looking my way.

I quickly turned away, pretending I wasn't watching him at all as I began staring out of the window again, waiting for that bubbly bastard to come up and bother the shit out of me again.

_...Five seconds._

_Ten seconds._

_Fifteen seconds._

_Thirty seconds..._

_Forty__ five seconds..._

_A minute..._

...

Tired of waiting, I turned my head around frustratedly, about to yell at the bastard and ask him what the hell was going on, but...

...

That idiot wasn't even in the room anymore.

I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I clenched my teeth. So, even he abandoned me? He gave up trying to get me to be one of his friends?

...

_Hahaha._

I should've expected it. Everyone always left me in the end. I'm nothing. I'm just a waste of space on this world. I'm nothing but worthless.

...I think I'll just go home now.

I grabbed my bag and exited the classroom.

* * *

Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck everyone.

Since my only reason of living was gone, too...I might as well stop breathing now.

I was..._alone._ _Truly and utterly alone. _

_'Like you always were,' a voice in my mind sneers at me._

I will never have anyone who will care about me, much less Antonio. He's too good for me. After all, I am nothing but shit.

I was nearing the entrance of the school building before somebody called out to me.

_"Lovi!"_

...That bastard was late! Stupid jerk!

Turning around aggressively, I glared at his figure as he ran up to me. "What the fuck do you want now, tomato bastard?!"

He smiles cheerfully and grins. "_Lo siento,_ Lovi! I was just doing something, was all~! Now, how about we go on a date? Right now~!" Antonio says, grabbing my hand.

...His hand feels warm. It makes my heart beat faster and my cheeks grow red. Whenever I'm around him, I feel as if all of my worries have disappeared.

"W-What the_ hell?_! Why the _fuck_ would I want to go on a date right now, idiot?! Don't you have to stay at school?!" I conceal the happiness bubbling up in my chest with my curses and swears.

The Spaniard only wrapped his arms around me and whispered huskily in my ear. "But I _want_ to go on a date with you, _mi amor._..I would skip school, just for you."

I felt shivers go down my spin as he says those words, making me feel flustered. "_W-Whatever.._.I guess I don't have anything else to do anyways, bastard..." I hear myself saying, before looking away and blushing profusely.

"_Perfecto!_ Let's go, Lovi~!" Antonio brightens up, before pulling away from me and dragging me out into the town, holding my hand all the way there.

Dammit. Why does this stupid jerk have to make me feel this way? He's too good for me...I can't...be his '_amor'._..

* * *

Lo siento (Spanish) - I'm sorry, sorry

Mi amor (Spanish) - My love, dear

_I know that a few things are left unexplained here...but it's only part of the story. All unanswered questions will surely be answered in future chapters. Well then...tomorrow, they will go on their date. I wonder what'll happen, hmm? __Also, thank you kindly for the reviews. They're inspirational to me to keep updating everyday. :)_

_-Minami Italia_


	6. Chapter 6

"Come on, Lovi! This way!" Antonio shouted as we ran through the busy streets of town.

I winced a bit as I felt my cuts, which I had, unfortunately, no time to treat this morning begin to have a dull ache as he pulled on my hand. Dammit, if they opened now, he'd know that I cut! If he found out...he'd probably stop talking to me. Maybe even the opposite. He'd talk to me only because I cut.

_...Because he doesn't want to be responsible for somebody's death._

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I don't have time to be thinking about depressing thoughts now, dammit!

_But what will you do when he finds out? He'll hate you for doing something so disgusting to yourself. _

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

_Heh...but you're already disgusting without even trying. You're better off dead. He's too good for you, you good-for-nothing piece of shit. You already know that, so why are you continuing to follow him like a lost puppy?_

No. No. Nonononono. I can't think about it. Not here, not now. Not in front of Antonio.

I try with all of my might to stop the thoughts, and somehow, I managed to stop hearing the voice of my despair.

_'It's okay, Lovino. Calm yourself,'_ I tell myself, inhaling and exhaling.

As he tugged me through the streets, we rounded a corner and ran into a dark alley.

...Perhaps it was just a shortcut to wherever he was taking us? I sure fucking hope so...

"Here we are, Lovi!" He shouts cheerfully as we skidded to a halt in front of a brick wall. It was a dead end.

...A dark alley was a place to go on a date? Wait...usually, in movies...dark allies were...

...

No. It can't be. This is the tomato bastard we're talking about! He's a fucking annoying idiot who is happy all of the damn time! He doesn't have the brains to commit a murder!

"What the _fuck,_ you stupid bastard? Why the _hell_ are we in the depths of a dark ally with nobody else in sight? You call _this_ a _date_?" I sneered, quickly withdrawing my hand from his grasp to avoid getting my cuts revealed.

Slowly, Antonio turns around and grins-no, not in his usual, idiotic way. He _grinned._ It looked...absolutely _horrifying. _His emerald eyes were shining in the dark alley, making me step back in fear. "A-Antonio? Hey...you bastard? W-Why the fuck are you grinning like that?!"

"...Because, Lovi~!" He says, grabbing my arm, making me wince and yelp before I'm trapped in his tight embrace. His lips were right next to my ear as he held me close to him, my back against his chest.

No. This can't be happening.

No.

No

NONONONONO.

"...Or should I say...you piece of shit." He whispers lightly into my ear, making my eyes shoot open in surprise and fear.

_Piece of shit._

_...Yes, you are a piece of shit. Even Antonio agrees._

The voice is suddenly back again.

"...W-What...?"

"I said, you're a piece of shit, Lovino Vargas. You really think I'd ever love you? Did you think we were really going to go on a date? Hah! As if, you prick. Don't think too highly of yourself now." I hear him say viciously, and before I knew it, a knife was placed under my neck. "Listen here. I hate you. You are a disgusting, filthy bitch. It's true. Being friends with you isn't even worth it. Feliciano will always be better than you, you hear?! You're better off dead!"

I felt the world slow down as my mind processed the words.

Antonio..._hates_ me?

_...Feliciano will always be better than you..._

_...Being friends with you isn't worth it..._

_...Disgusting, filthy bitch..._

_...I hate you..._

_..._

_'You're better off dead!'_

Everything in my mind goes blank for a moment, before I burst out laughing. "...Ahaha..._Ahahaha._.._AHAHAHAHA!_"

"Why the fuck are you laughing?! Shut the fuck up!" Antonio hisses as he struggles to keep me in place while holding the blade of the knife against my throat.

I slowly cease my laughter and then smirk. "Well, are you going to kill me? Go ahead. I don't give a shit anymore." I taunted him, still smirking as tears began falling down my cheeks. "I'm tired of this life...I'm tired of this world. I'm nothing but a piece of shit that nobody cares about. And you know what?" I ask, pushing up my sleeves to reveal my horribly scarred arms. "I am done with life. Feliciano...he will always be number one to everybody, while I am nothing. I...did think you might have liked me, even a bit. I guess it was just wishful thinking, huh?" I chuckle lightly, raising my hand up, before wrapping it around the blade that was against my neck. I squeezed it, making blood pour out from my hand. "I deserve death. _Kill me...Kill me...Hurry...Antonio...I want to end it all..."_

I feel his grip around me slowly loosen, until he is no longer keeping me in place. His hand that was on the handle of the knife was also gone. Now, it was only I who was holding the knife by the blade, blood dripping down onto the concrete.

"...L-Lo-Lovi...I..." He stuttered, his emerald eyes widening at the sight of me.

I slowly turn around, facing him.

"...I'm...better off dead..." I murmur, giving him a small smile as the tears cascaded down my cheeks. "...I've thought of doing this for a long time. _Grazie._..now, I can finally leave..." I say, before using my other hand to grip the handle of the knife.

"...No..._NO!_ Lovi, I-I don't know what came over me! _Lo siento,_ forgive me! D-Don't do it!" He screams, running over to me and knocking the weapon out of my hands.

"...It's okay. You don't have to lie anymore." My voice says shakily as I reach into my jacket's pocket. "You're right...I'm nothing. I should die."

Antonio pushes me roughly against the wall by my shoulders, and I see his own tears were also running down his cheek. "I...I'm not lying, Lovi! I'm...I don't know what happened! Just don't do this, _please!" _

I chuckle lightly and smile. "...I'm..."

He looks at me, perhaps searching my face for answers to what I'm about to say?

**_Swish._**

_"...W-Wo...rth...less..."_

The knife that I had pulled out from my jacket pocket was now lodged in my left lung.

The world around me is spinning in all directions, and I feel faint.

_Good, you're dead. You did it. _

_No one loved you, anyways._

_No one will miss you after you die. _

_Not even Antonio._

_Not even Feliciano._

_I'm all alone, even in death..._

"_**LOVINO!**_"

* * *

_Wake me up inside_  
_Call my name and save me from the dark_  
_Bid my blood to run_  
_Before I come undone_  
_Save me from the nothing I've become_

_...Bring me to life._

_~Evanescence. _

* * *

Grazie (Italian) - Thank you

Lo siento (Spanish) - I'm sorry, sorry

_Note: No, this is not the end! There's still more to come, my dear readers. Again, thank you for the continuous support and reviews. Does this story have a happy ending? Well, read to the end and find out..._

_Also, there is a certain reason why Antonio's personality keeps changing. Though, I won't tell you why. Not yet, at least. Hmm, what is happening to him, I wonder?_

_-Minami Italia_


End file.
